I can’t see the reason why,
I can’t come to my senses and clarify
Why the dreams of you so often,
Why no presence of you then.

I wonder why during my night pearls
I could only breathe your air,
Only saw your writings on plain papers,
And kept drowned and suffocated in a lone fair?

Quick, set me free!
Rush, make me on my knee!
For I know not forever I can stand,
For I know no reason and no plan.

Fly, tell me where I ought to be!
Cry, make me be who I must be!
So I don’t have to lie no more,
So I may be free from being the sophomore.

So the person in me believing,
that the true reason of one’s existence
is to be with another being,
without any but point-blank distance.

I resent. I be rueful. I be cheerless. I be mirthless. Yet only a lifeless form of expression seen. A painful stare. Yet not of its anger, but of its mere voidness.

For some reasons I would cry. Yet for some other I would fly. And like a dandelion in the wake of a strong breeze. I am totally powerless. Unable to control my heart atmosphere. Unable to control you or the flare.

Preclude my reaching of the star. Seclude me like you’re far.

Never do ask what I think. Never do tell what I do. Cast me out from the world and you. Then you can doom my birthday and be relaxed. For no damnification made from thinking I existed. No, no scathe and no loss at all.

Don’t tell me I did try not. Dare yourself not. As you and I know how to snot. So do your ears were and forth.

The rise of the loin, the downfall of the coin. Never did I win a single point.

Now I shut. Now I dim. Now I hide my presence in bones of a banished. Blueprinted not to be recalled. Let my slumber be disturbed not.

.darkmoodrey.

Lately I haven’t been me very much. Not in my way of speaking. Not in my manner. Not in every action of mine. I tried to know myself. I tried to understand. But I simply can’t. Tell me, what’s wrong with me? I tried so much to live, I don’t want it that bad now. I talk to myself and no one’s answering. I digress when I’m engaged in a conversation. I don’t panic. I don’t feel satisfied. I don’t have purpose. I don’t expect. I don’t dream. I don’t. So much of me broken. So little I have left. Too little to make it look fine. Too little, yes. And back I go to the question before. But the answer to it still untold to me. No answer. No resolution. … Guess I’ll just have to go on living with a system breaking down.

…or not?

.darkmoodrey.

Right now I’m sitting at rice-bowl:family restaurant, which as the name suggest, is a restaurant where you can eat various kinds of ‘rice’-using food, and also things that uses ‘bowl’ like a bowl of noodles!. LoL. It’s located in a mall which stood beside my campus, the plaza semanggi, or the one which more commonly known as ‘plangi’. What I’ve been doing here, you wonder? Well, of course, as I’m in a restaurant, I have just finished my lunch. LoL. The thing is just I want to try the hotspot of the place without specific purpose. So, here I am typing the post. LoL

If I look to my left, I would see a groupie (quite the same with a group, but also accompanied by the ‘yippie’ thing =p) of people from the psychology faculty of my campus. They’re here to discuss a group project. I’m here to accompany one of them. Unfortunately now I’m free as they are busy discussing. LoL

Hm, should I asked myself the question “what are you doing?”, I could only think of answers such as:”practicing typing with all my fingers without any typo!”, or “Just using my rights to use the hotspot!”. Yeah, I know, lame isn’t it? The thing is I really suck at changing my behaviour, and in this moment it means typing with what I’m used to. I really wish I could type faster without any of  this fingers of mine slowing me down.

Speaking of which, I’ve been really confused with myself nowadays. It’s just I realize I know I need to change in many ways. It’s just I don’t want to do so, without reason, or at least  that’s my point of view. Lately I haven’t been the ‘me’ that I long for. The person I’d like to see everyday when I stare into the mirror. The productive ‘me’. The happy-go-lucky ‘me’. The serious ‘me’. … Okay, I know that’s quite contradictive. Well, the point is.. I miss myself.. My old self, to be exact.. and every bit of life that accompanied it. Huff.

Will I ever be ‘me’ again?

..

okay, I’ve been requested to turn my notebook off. So, I guess maybe I’ll write more later.

adieu,

.ierem.

allright, I know, just a day and I already changed the theme.LoL..Well, honestly I like this theme and probably will stick with it for some time.

ok, I guess I just gonna tell that

I’m ready for bed now. LoL

maybe I’ll write something later..;p

adieu,

.ierem.